I thought it would be silly to post a blog today since I'm releasing a song today too.  Special thanks to Robert Neil for editing this for me!  Check out his podcast and music. 

Seattle, June 11, 2021 -- Do consumer choices, toxic food, relentless advertising and poor communication contribute to anxiety? If we decided to acquire food, products and other items ethically, would anyone notice or care?  Can we hold ourselves accountable?  Those are the questions Abby London explores in her upcoming single release “Anxiety.” 

The song opens with the line “Maybe I have anxiety because I ruin other people and the planet.”  It’s a forlorn ruminative question Abby London contemplates as she considers the affects her purchases have on the people who manufacture the products she buys, as well as the destructive path those items may take to get to her.  Does the tension and stress of the creation and the journey transfer to her body and mind?  Is that why pills seem needed to control dismay and dejection? 

This song is a poignant look at how our own choices contribute to our anxiety and depression -- what we choose to buy, what we choose to eat and how we choose to communicate.  It’s honest about being lazy, inhumane, intermittently motivated and of having a lack of self-discipline.  Some may think the song is about relying on rules and regulations when, in reality, it’s about changing oneself. 

Experience these introspective ponderings set to catchy electric sounds, soothing vocals and unexpected moments. 

“Anxiety” will be available on major platforms and abbylondonmusic.com June 11th. The music video will be available June 22th. In the music video, London wears a dress made with trash, goes grocery shopping, sings next to a big hole in the ground, binge watches ‘The Office’ next to a mountain of pills and hangs out in a hot tub in a trash bikini. 

About Abby London 

Abby London self produces live shows that artfully combine keyboard, guitar, video, dance, costumes, comedy, drama and special guest actors and musicians into an immersive audience experience. 

Her songs are introspective and political.  She has been played on local radio stations and indie podcasts.  She has been interviewed by radio talk show hosts, podcasters and bloggers as well as being featured on KOMO TV.

When I was deciding what to write about this month, the first word that popped into my head was death.  It’s not something I notice myself actively thinking about but I’m going to explore the idea nonetheless.  I want to die quickly, when I’m old, accomplished and fulfilled, with a legacy, unafraid, but mostly, I want to die healthy.  I don’t know where I heard someone mention the goal is to die healthy, but I really do believe it.  I try so hard to heal myself, especially these last 7 years or so.  I’ve spent thousands on modalities, supplements, tests, vitamins, food as medicine, exercise equipment, and strive to surround myself with beauty, comfort, and ethically made items. 

I used to be very afraid of dying and feel like I was about to die.  This was especially true when I was doing hard drugs, drinking, and smoking weed.  I thought I would crash my car.  I used to even think I would get overtaken with rage and purposely crash my car into someone like one of my family members did.  I remember once in high school doing mushrooms and I was so happy I thought I was going to die of happiness, like the movies.  I was mostly thinking about American Beauty when the dad gets so happy and peaceful and then gets murdered.  I equated peace and happiness to the end, which I guess makes sense in a way.  It’s like thinking you’ve reached everything you’ve wanted to do in life so there is nothing left to learn or overcome so time to die.  There I go talking myself into thinking like that again :-/ 

When I stopped using drugs, the feeling of being about to die overtaking my life ended for the most part.  Life made me quit, I had “tried” for years but was never really able to. 

About 2 years ago, I got a premonition that I was going to die at 44, when I started doing hot yoga it went away somewhat from the detoxing I think.  When that wasn’t available, the feeling came back.  I got an infrared sauna and it subsided again. 

My greatest fear around death now is that I haven’t had any children and I have no one to pass anything on to or to care that I’m gone, no one to take care of me if I need help, no one to read my old journals or play with my old toys.  I’m terrified I will run out of time and never get to experience the joy of having a family and I will wither away. 

Which beings me back to the goal of dying healthy.  The goal of dying healthy to be means living a life without pain and full of peace and wisdom.  It means accomplishing the healing work I need to do.  It also means passing that knowledge, peace and wisdom on to others.  I hope I get the chance to do so.

I have been overworking myself.  I think it’s a combination of different things.  I started an excel spreadsheet to keep track of how many hours I work, which has been great in many ways.  I discovered I’m not lazy!  I’m spending close to 40 hours either practicing, doing marketing, or teaching.  I started to feel better about relaxing when I wasn’t working.  I think where it’s got me into trouble is that I want to work more to compete with myself.  I love watching the Excel formulas I made do their magic, adding up the hours, seeing what my business owes me, and seeing how much I can make in a week.  I’ve found myself ignoring my body’s pleas to stop working, saying to it, “just this one more thing, then I’ll stop.” Then I’ll work on stuff for another half hour.  What will happen is the side of my wrists start throbbing, looking at screens starts to make me feel sick to my stomach and twitchy, then the irritation sets in- and the disappointment and shame.  I wonder why can’t I just keep going?  What can’t I work as much as I want?  I really just need to stop!  I started off good today.  I didn’t  look at my phone or computer for the first couple hours of the day.  I stretched and did exercises and used a resistance band.  I also used a precision massager.  Then I said I was going to work for an hour and get on the treadmill and sauna.  I worked for two and half and then only got a mile in on the treadmill and 10 minutes in the sauna at 90 degrees before I had to leave.  Not great.  But not bad.  My other huge overworking motivation was trying to plan a show and a single release at the same time.  I was letting that be my justification for working too much.  I realized week before last that it was extremely unsustainable.  I wasn’t going to be able to keep my house in order, exercise, or be pleasant to be around if I kept it up.  Since I hadn’t announced the single release date online anywhere,  I pushed the single release out and decided to focus on my show and my regular commitments.  I debated even doing a blog post since I’ve be overdoing it.  Writing about how I’m overdoing it is a good compromise.  I can’t spend so much time on the computer and my phone.  I’ve done a ton of healing work with an upper cervical chiropractor this year and have had some massive improvements.  This last month of overworking myself on the computer and phone had me going downhill again.  There is no reason for it.  I’m not working for anyone but myself and I’m in control of what is healthy for myself.  I could even work as many hours and just spend them smarter, like practicing, exercising while listening to a podcast or watching a marketing video, picking out costumes, etc.  From now on, I’m going to begin my mornings with my trusted friend, the resistance band :-)

I have completed one of my three New Year’s resolutions which was to buy an infrared sauna to improve my health.  I had been looking online for new and used saunas for a couple months.  I first learned about infrared saunas from my doctor who used to have one at her office.  After I would do intense emotional therapy sessions, I would use it to help detoxify my emotions in a physical way.  I would also use it to loosen up before a massage.  I love going to spas that have them along with steam rooms, dry saunas, pools, etc...  I haven’t used them as regularly as I used to when I was doing deep emotional work at my doctor’s old office.  At best, I would make it once a week sporadically and, at worst, every 6 months!  Going places and paying to use saunas is so time consuming and expensive.  I went a couple times in December during my liver cleanse and since I got a Groupon it wasn’t too bad but it was thirty minutes round trip.  My last nutraevaul (it’s a blood test that tests me for nutrients) had me high in tin!  I actually quit drinking canned water for the most part and have been taking a chelate supplement in the morning and night.  I also messaged the canned water people to ask about alkaloids being in the aluminum and they said yes, they can have them.  I don’t eat a lot of canned food so that’s really the only thing I could think of that would be making me high in tin.  The infrared heat has so many benefits pain relief, detoxification, weight loss, mental benefits, good for the skin, and more.  I was going to hot yoga when the lockdowns started and feeling great.  It had taken me a long time to build up the courage to go to yoga since I can’t do so much stuff and it’s embarrassing (see blog post “I can’t do down-dog”).  Having the studios closed for pretty much a year has been a huge blow to my health.  I definitely felt toxic before I started going. Once I was going I felt like I was living instead of dying.  When the CCP virus emerged my doctor sent out a to do list for virus prevention.  One of the things to do was sweat for 20 minutes everyday. I had not been doing that which I know is very irresponsible.  I had also gained about 17 pound over the year year which was incredibly irresponsible as well.  I did, regretfully, fall into the trap of blaming my governor for my weight gain and lack of exercise.  Although I know I could achieve weight-loss and sweating through moving my body I knew having an infrared sauna would make it that much easier to break past those obstacles. I had seen some used saunas for $800- $1500 online and new ones for $1300-$1500.  I didn’t want to pay practically the same for a used one as a new one so I was very happy to see an infrared sauna on Offerup for $400 one day.  I messaged quickly and didn’t hear back.  The next day it was $700.  I messaged again that I would buy it for that.  The gal selling it said she priced it too low initially, something she realized after getting tons of offers.  She had someone coming to look at it later that day and if they didn’t want it, it was mine. Luckily the person changed their mind!  It’s probably important to note that I am very friendly when using Offer up which I think is how I got next in line.  I use happy faces, LOLs, and exclamation marks.  I got in my boyfriend’s truck and we ventured off south of Seattle to pick it up from a couple in Federal Way or Kent.  They were very nice.  They had barely used it and already taken it apart.  Having recently moved and not used it much they didn’t want to set it up in their new place. I handed over the cash and we all loaded it into my boyfriend’s truck and were on our way.  I got it set up about a week later due to needing enough free time and clearing space to put it.  I happen to have a long narrow bedroom and there is space for it next to the bathroom door.  I used it the first night and unplugged it, when I plugged it back in, it wouldn’t turn on.  I was so scared it was broken.  After fiddling with it, it came back on.  I will not be unplugging it from the wall again! I’ve had it for about a month and using it 4-5 days a week so far.  Some of the saunas I’ve been using have a built in TV screen.  Mine doesn’t so I set my iPad on a stool outside the door or I read my Epoch Times newspaper or I can listen to a CD or radio since it has speakers and a stereo.  So far I feel calmer and less pain though I do think it’s going to take some more time of using it before I feel like I’m living and not dying again.  I’ve built up too much toxicity from not exercising and sauna-ing during the lockdown (my fault.  See “Your health is your fault” blog post).  Nevertheless, I am doing something about it now!

For all you non yoga people saying, ‘what’s down-dog and who cares?’.  It’s a position where you are on hands and knees and your butt goes up in the air.  Why can’t I do it?  I can’t put pressure on my hands.  I also can’t put my arms overhead without pain and tingling.  This has been going on for over 10 years.  My pattern with yoga classes(besides certain yin classes) has been…  I get my mat set up and lay in suptavata kanansina while I wait for the class to start.  That’s laying down with my legs bent like butterfly wings and feet together with blocks under my knees.  Laying flat with legs straight is not comfortable to be.  I’m laying there praising myself for making it to class, thinking about how great this is.  The class starts.  For usually the first ten to fifteen minutes I am thinking about how I’m going to go to yoga all the time and which classes I’m going to go to and when. At one point a few years back I made a calendar for yoga classes I wanted to go to at multiple studios. I didn’t hardly end up going to any and didn’t use up at least 3 groupons for studios because I started them not realizing they would expire when I was on vacation. Anyway, so there I am, in yoga, praising myself and planning all the other classes I’m going to take and then bam- Down-dog.  I try to go it a little.  It hurts.  I panic.  I don’t know what else to do.  The pose switches to something else, good I think.  But then, it’s arms over head, or bending the arms(something else I can hardly do), then back to damn down dog, then plank, then cobra, then downdog, then arms over head.  Here comes the teacher, looking at my like I have the plague.  No… don’t come over here.  They want to help me.  Just leave me alone. They end up helping sometimes.  Okay not so bad.  I make it to the end of class.  The teacher wants to come talk to me like it’s my first yoga class ever and like I have no idea what’s wrong with me and haven’t tried anything to heal myself ever.  This is why I hate yoga I think.  Why am I here.  Well I think that earlier actually.  When the teacher is attempting to be my savior guru at the end of class I’m thinking nothing.  I can’t even remember what Thoracic Outlet Syndrome is or that I’ve tried massage, acupuncture, PT, stretching, saunas, cupping, meditation, chiropractors, special pillows, nutrition, supplements, etc.  I’m sitting there talking to them like I’ve been eating every meal at McDonalds( I worked with someone who did that), and digesting everything mainstream media tells me to think.  So that’s been my usual yoga experience. I do have one teacher I love that is not like this.  I love you Suzanne.  These last few days have been different.  I have 5 classes that are about to expire so I wanted to use them up.  I’ve gone three days in a row now and i feel amazing.  I didn’t do stuff that hurt and I didn’t care what anyone said or thought.  No teachers came and said annoying stuff to me.  I just did my thing and knew my limits.  I didn’t explain myself or anything.  I even went to the wall and did my push ups against it when it was push up time.  So yeah.  Take that down-dog!