I have been overworking myself.  I think it’s a combination of different things.  I started an excel spreadsheet to keep track of how many hours I work, which has been great in many ways.  I discovered I’m not lazy!  I’m spending close to 40 hours either practicing, doing marketing, or teaching.  I started to feel better about relaxing when I wasn’t working.  I think where it’s got me into trouble is that I want to work more to compete with myself.  I love watching the Excel formulas I made do their magic, adding up the hours, seeing what my business owes me, and seeing how much I can make in a week.  I’ve found myself ignoring my body’s pleas to stop working, saying to it, “just this one more thing, then I’ll stop.” Then I’ll work on stuff for another half hour.  What will happen is the side of my wrists start throbbing, looking at screens starts to make me feel sick to my stomach and twitchy, then the irritation sets in- and the disappointment and shame.  I wonder why can’t I just keep going?  What can’t I work as much as I want?  I really just need to stop!  I started off good today.  I didn’t  look at my phone or computer for the first couple hours of the day.  I stretched and did exercises and used a resistance band.  I also used a precision massager.  Then I said I was going to work for an hour and get on the treadmill and sauna.  I worked for two and half and then only got a mile in on the treadmill and 10 minutes in the sauna at 90 degrees before I had to leave.  Not great.  But not bad.  My other huge overworking motivation was trying to plan a show and a single release at the same time.  I was letting that be my justification for working too much.  I realized week before last that it was extremely unsustainable.  I wasn’t going to be able to keep my house in order, exercise, or be pleasant to be around if I kept it up.  Since I hadn’t announced the single release date online anywhere,  I pushed the single release out and decided to focus on my show and my regular commitments.  I debated even doing a blog post since I’ve be overdoing it.  Writing about how I’m overdoing it is a good compromise.  I can’t spend so much time on the computer and my phone.  I’ve done a ton of healing work with an upper cervical chiropractor this year and have had some massive improvements.  This last month of overworking myself on the computer and phone had me going downhill again.  There is no reason for it.  I’m not working for anyone but myself and I’m in control of what is healthy for myself.  I could even work as many hours and just spend them smarter, like practicing, exercising while listening to a podcast or watching a marketing video, picking out costumes, etc.  From now on, I’m going to begin my mornings with my trusted friend, the resistance band :-)

I have completed one of my three New Year’s resolutions which was to buy an infrared sauna to improve my health.  I had been looking online for new and used saunas for a couple months.  I first learned about infrared saunas from my doctor who used to have one at her office.  After I would do intense emotional therapy sessions, I would use it to help detoxify my emotions in a physical way.  I would also use it to loosen up before a massage.  I love going to spas that have them along with steam rooms, dry saunas, pools, etc...  I haven’t used them as regularly as I used to when I was doing deep emotional work at my doctor’s old office.  At best, I would make it once a week sporadically and, at worst, every 6 months!  Going places and paying to use saunas is so time consuming and expensive.  I went a couple times in December during my liver cleanse and since I got a Groupon it wasn’t too bad but it was thirty minutes round trip.  My last nutraevaul (it’s a blood test that tests me for nutrients) had me high in tin!  I actually quit drinking canned water for the most part and have been taking a chelate supplement in the morning and night.  I also messaged the canned water people to ask about alkaloids being in the aluminum and they said yes, they can have them.  I don’t eat a lot of canned food so that’s really the only thing I could think of that would be making me high in tin.  The infrared heat has so many benefits pain relief, detoxification, weight loss, mental benefits, good for the skin, and more.  I was going to hot yoga when the lockdowns started and feeling great.  It had taken me a long time to build up the courage to go to yoga since I can’t do so much stuff and it’s embarrassing (see blog post “I can’t do down-dog”).  Having the studios closed for pretty much a year has been a huge blow to my health.  I definitely felt toxic before I started going. Once I was going I felt like I was living instead of dying.  When the CCP virus emerged my doctor sent out a to do list for virus prevention.  One of the things to do was sweat for 20 minutes everyday. I had not been doing that which I know is very irresponsible.  I had also gained about 17 pound over the year year which was incredibly irresponsible as well.  I did, regretfully, fall into the trap of blaming my governor for my weight gain and lack of exercise.  Although I know I could achieve weight-loss and sweating through moving my body I knew having an infrared sauna would make it that much easier to break past those obstacles. I had seen some used saunas for $800- $1500 online and new ones for $1300-$1500.  I didn’t want to pay practically the same for a used one as a new one so I was very happy to see an infrared sauna on Offerup for $400 one day.  I messaged quickly and didn’t hear back.  The next day it was $700.  I messaged again that I would buy it for that.  The gal selling it said she priced it too low initially, something she realized after getting tons of offers.  She had someone coming to look at it later that day and if they didn’t want it, it was mine. Luckily the person changed their mind!  It’s probably important to note that I am very friendly when using Offer up which I think is how I got next in line.  I use happy faces, LOLs, and exclamation marks.  I got in my boyfriend’s truck and we ventured off south of Seattle to pick it up from a couple in Federal Way or Kent.  They were very nice.  They had barely used it and already taken it apart.  Having recently moved and not used it much they didn’t want to set it up in their new place. I handed over the cash and we all loaded it into my boyfriend’s truck and were on our way.  I got it set up about a week later due to needing enough free time and clearing space to put it.  I happen to have a long narrow bedroom and there is space for it next to the bathroom door.  I used it the first night and unplugged it, when I plugged it back in, it wouldn’t turn on.  I was so scared it was broken.  After fiddling with it, it came back on.  I will not be unplugging it from the wall again! I’ve had it for about a month and using it 4-5 days a week so far.  Some of the saunas I’ve been using have a built in TV screen.  Mine doesn’t so I set my iPad on a stool outside the door or I read my Epoch Times newspaper or I can listen to a CD or radio since it has speakers and a stereo.  So far I feel calmer and less pain though I do think it’s going to take some more time of using it before I feel like I’m living and not dying again.  I’ve built up too much toxicity from not exercising and sauna-ing during the lockdown (my fault.  See “Your health is your fault” blog post).  Nevertheless, I am doing something about it now!

First thing I will say, which wouldn’t require any witnessing of actions or research, is that I initially golden rule it.  Would I want someone picking out an aspect of my appearance, saying that makes me oppressed, and then making signs and protesting my oppression on my behalf?  Would I want signs and actions taking place all over reminding me that people think I’m oppressed?  No.  Besides that I would not go up to people with a certain skin color and tell them I think their life matters.  That would be weird. So golden ruling it, I’m against it.  Besides all that… 

I think the blm movement is one of the worst things to happen to our country in my lifetime.  Since it came about people have become militant, violent, cruel, abusive, and scary.  It’s been extremely divisive and harmful to our society in many ways.  Literal murders have happened because of it, assaults, property destruction, riots, theft, and continuous rage and pain. 

The movement started based on a lie.  It said that an unarmed black teen (Trayvon Martin) was killed for being black by a white supremacist.  The media went after the man who shot Trayvon with furry.  The president at the time Barack Obama quickly got in on it saying, “If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.”  Trayvon was wearing a hoodie at the time and had just bought skittles.  This fueled hoodie and skittle purchases as people wore hoodies and ate skittles to commemorate his death.  The whole story is very sad.  To me, it’s about a kid who didn’t make it through his rebellious phase in life. Months after he died, the court case against the man who shot Trayvon happened and he was found not guilty.  How could that be?  The media said he murdered him!  Well the whole story is false.  George Zimmerman, who shot Trayvon wasn’t a white supremacist.  In fact, he wasn’t even white.  He actually volunteered his time being a big brother to black teens whose fathers were in prison.  By the time this came out it didn’t matter, people had made up their minds and the Black Lives Matter movement was underway.  If you want to learn more about that story click HERE to order an in depth documentary called the Trayvon Hoax.  There is even more to it, like witness tampering. 

Besides being started by a hoax, Black Lives Matter is a Marxist organization.  Why does that matter and what does it mean?  Well it means that it’s a front to bring communism to our country and has the same goals as Marxists.  They want to get rid of the nuclear family and overthrow capitalism among other unrelated ambitions. They even had this stuff up on their website and took it down due to backlash.  They have said they are trained Marxists and some say that’s not a big deal. Well it is to me.  I don’t want this country to be completely overtaken by communism and I won’t support an organization that does.  Something communists do that coincides with blm is, and I’m quoting this from a book, “Classifying members of a society into “the oppressors” and “the oppressed,” in order to advocate for struggle, liberation, and equality, is exactly what communism does.” Not only was blm started with a hoax, it is a front for advancing Communism disguising itself as “racial justice”.  It’s also pretending there is an enormous amount of police brutality towards black people which brings me to my next reason. 

The Black Lives Matter movement is not supported by statistics.  They are acting like Black people in the united states of America are under vicious attacks by police everywhere they turn.  The statistics don’t back this up.  Actually a white police officer is more likely to get injured by a black man than the other way around. The percentage of black homicide victims killed by police in 2019 is .2%. It’s a very small amount. Furthermore, there is a claim that all this negativity towards police has led to a decrease in proactive policing which has made crime worsen and it known as the Ferguson Effect. 

The Black Lives Matter movement is not evidence based.  They say instances where a black person is shot by a white cop is racist even if there is no evidence that the shooting was racially motivated. This has happened many times.  For something to be a racially motivated hate crime there has to be an obvious indication of that such as; the aggressor is saying racial slurs or wearing something like a swastika.  Look at the situation with George Zimmerman. He was called a white latino and said to have killed someone for being black.  Pretending incidents are racist does nothing to help society and dilutes actual instances of hate crimes. 

I don’t like that there is no criteria for blm sainthood.  It doesn’t matter the circumstances or person’s history, as long as they get shot by a cop, they will get paintings of them with angel wings and halos.  They could have raped, could be violating a no contact order, held a gun to a pregnant woman’s belly, been going around with COVID, died high on meth and fentanyl, known to frequently assault the public, or be out of jail for child endangerment. 

What is happening with the donations is confusing.  They go through a company called Act Blue which is for progressive, left-wing, democrat causes.  Act Blue takes some money off the top for themselves.  There are allegations the money can’t be fully tracked and even goes dark.  When looking up this info it seems the fact checkers are working very hard to deny there are any issues with Act Blue and to deny any money is going to the Democrat Party.  When I try to look up who the fact checkers are who are saying that, more confusion.  I did watch a video that explained the donations in detail I found pretty convincing.  I also have heard a bit about local groups being upset that they aren’t getting any of these main group donations.  Then there are all these different facets, global, local, and national.  There have been complaints about proper tax filing status.  I don’t understand where all these millions of dollars are going, if any black people are being helped, or if the donations are going into the organization or elsewhere. 

This is a never ending movement pretending that “justice” will stop them.  They will never stop.   No matter what actions the government or justice system take, it’s never going to be enough or even matter to them.  When the Floyd riots started people wanted the officer arrested.  He got arrested.  Then they wanted all four arrested.  They were.  Then they wanted police reform.  President Trump held an event where he listened to families of people whose lives have been taken by police. They he did an executive order for police reform.  Hardly anyone knows about that.  They want the police defunded 50%, then they switch to “total abolition”. The movement has no measurable goals to celebrate.  Their goals are vague, impossible, and never ending. 

They are the same as Antifa.  I have seen no attempt by BLM differentiate themselves from Antifa (besides Victoria B in Seattle).  Whenever I have gone to protests or rallies or seen videos there is antifa/blm together yelling cruel things and being abusive.  Hence the name Blantifa. One terrible moment in the Seattle area was when they blocked traffic on the freeway and laughed at a pregnant woman for peeing herself. 

So there you have it.  I do not agree with BLM for many many reasons. I think it’s a dangerous, deceitful, racist, communist, mostly democrat, backed movement that has created much more harm than good.  I could write out even more reasons (like why is being against Israel a part of blm? Or what about all the things they don’t focus on that they could) and go into more detail but I think this is long enough! 

I don’t think bullying, burning, looting, rioting, murder, shaming, and making others feel bad is the way to make this country more equal.  I don’t think that buying a sign for one’s yard or scribbling BLM on a piece of cardboard and sticking it in the window is how to bring about peace and harmony.  My personal theory on how to fix racism (in addition to including others and being respectful) includes finding shared values and working together on common goals.

“The media is not fooling me” - Ani Difranco circa 2000 

This quote came to my mind a couple weeks ago.  I LOVED it.  For those who don’t know, Ani Difranco used to be a counter culture indie music icon.  She created her own record label and has made lots of albums as well as tours(I’ve seen her 5 times).  I admired her so much.  Especially in high school.  The quote is from a song about 911 and George Bush.  She was taking a stand against the media and the establishment back then and I respected her for it.  I’ve tried to keep up with her songs and albums though my admiration has faded.  The last concert I went to I took my mom and boyfriend.  I felt awkward as Ani bitched about the patriarchy standing next to my boyfriend and it seemed like the audience was taking their anger out on him.  It’s also important to note that Ani’s band is all men. I haven’t really listened to her too much since then.  I did check her Facebook page once and saw her promoted Angela Davis. So anyways, as I was thinking about the quote from about 20 years ago,  I decided to look her up and see what she has been up to this year.  I found a picture of her wearing a mask.  An article said she has been in isolation for the last however long and only came out to film a video and wears her mask in-between takes.  The video does show her in her home mask-less initially so I wonder if the film crew was wearing masks but not her and in that instance it was okay.  Her song is called Do or Die and her quote about it was full of common mainstream media cliche buzzwords like misogyny, white supremacy, and gun violence.  The song lyrics talk mention the sheet-less KKK on Pennsylvania Ave. The video shows her shaving her head and then riding her bike around by herself wearing a mask.  Everyone in the video is masked while exercising as well as while all alone. A few characters take them off briefly. Once a guy take his mask off to let a dog lick his mouth.  She shows black people mostly, calls for defunding police, and makes protests signs and hangs them around.  My impression is that she is trying to show herself helping black people make protest signs, which comes off very weird to me. At the end, she officially promotes The Breath Act.  Just a few things that would do, eliminate ankle bracelets, end life sentences, defund police and other agencies, end cooperation with immigration authorities, abolish gang databases (WTF?), get rid of metal detectors in schools, close youth jails, lifetime education for illegal immigrants, allow local and state resident voting for illegal immigrants.  It was introduced by the squad. Looking through what Ani Difranco is currently promoting has been very disturbing. I think back to admiring her so much in high school and hanging on to her every word.  I was cheering her on as she complained about patriarchy and capitalism.  Now, I’m thinking about how she is married to a guy, tours with an all male band, and is a successful entrepreneur with her own record label, artists underneath her, and continues to sell CDs and merchandise.  A quick duck duck go search for her net worth says she’s worth 5 million dollars. Another site lists her net worth at one hundred thousand to one million.  It seems that complaining about capitalism and patriarchy has been good to her.  I wonder if she just isn’t making the connection.  The last concert I went to was to promote her album Binary.  At the concert she said she was living a very isolated life and didn’t know that the term binary was currently referring to gender.  She said that wasn’t what she meant by it and some fans were mad that she was so out of touch.  I’m kind of hoping that she is still that out of touch as far as her latest video I saw is concerned.  Perhaps she just sees people protesting and thinks all protesting is good and it reminds her of her youth.  Maybe she didn’t actually read the Breath Act she’s promoting, maybe she is deathly afraid of viruses.  Or maybe, just maybe, the media IS fooling her now.

My top ten list of why I’m voting for who I’m voting for to be president from 2021-2025 

Things that have happened or are happening mixed with my opinions on them. 

10. Brokering Peace Deals in the Middle East. 

9. No new wars.  President Trump has not entered the United States into any new wars.  He is the first president in 60 years to do that.  He has calmed tensions with North Korea, even getting soldiers remains back to the US for their families. 

8. No more killing people for being homosexual.  President Trump is fighting to make it so homosexuality is no longer illegal and punishable by death around the world. He’s also the first president to be supportive of the LGBT+ community when entering office.

7. Protecting babies.  President Trump has made it so babies cannot be murdered if born alive.  I know that abortion is a hot topic people will probably never agree on.  There are people who think it’s okay to abort a baby who survives the procedure once it’s born and I think outlawing that is the right thing to do. 

6.  He doesn’t try to manipulate people to vote for him based on their race and gender. The democrats and the democrat media like to push that Republicans hate minorities and women.  This is simply not true.  I too was fooled.  Since becoming a Republican myself and going to various Trump meetups I have personally found it to be a diverse group of individuals who care more about who people are than their skin or gender.  They/we aren’t obsessed with that stuff like the left is.  We don’t use skin and gender to use people and manipulate them into thinking they/we need us/them.  But since that is one of the talking points, here are just a few things that go against the narrative,: The First Steps Act, record low unemployment for minorities (personally I don’t like that term but for lack of a better one), sustained donations to Black colleges (so they don’t have to ask every year), women in positions of power like the White House staff, campaign staff, FBI, press secretaries, he also put women in charge building skyscrapers in NYC before being president, he posthumously pardoned Jack Johnson and Susan B. Anthony, he meets with African American leaders at the white house and has a ton of Black people who love him notably Terrence Wiliams, The Hodge Twins, David J. Harris Jr., Candance Ownes, Larry Elder, Bryson Gray, and Joel Patrick, Andre Berto, and Peggy Hubbard. 

5.  Addiction crisis.  Working on this helps the with homelessness, crime, and the environment.  Melania’s speech at the RNC begged the media to pay more attention to our addiction crisis, she called out how it affects all people no matter their skin, gender, age- whatever.  President Trump has donated his salary(he donates all his salary) to addressing the opioid crisis.  The deregulation the president has done with the VA has helped people get addiction services as well.  If people can get help with their addictions they are less likely to live in tents and pollute the environment.  When 60 minutes came to Seattle last year they actually said Trump has done more to help with homelessness/addiction for Seattle than the city of Seattle.  Fighting back against the cartel and gangs will also help with addiction as they actively try getting new people hooked. 

4. The economy.  This could easily be my number one.  Allowing companies to create good paying jobs is one of the best things a president can do to combat poverty, crime, and provide us all with more opportunities.   This also ties into protecting the environment.  The more money people have to spare, the more they can invest into experimental activities that are better for the environment.  The more money consumers have, the more they can spend on products that are healthier for them and better for the environment as well.  I also think that the 8,700 opportunity zones that have been created to being investment into impoverished areas are a good thing. 

3.  Protecting our environment from pollution.  Under President Trump we have the Save our Seas Act which is 100 million to clean plastic out of the ocean, the Great American Outdoors Act which preserves and funds our national parks, and he has also given 100 million to fight red algae off the Florida coast.  I think being tougher with relations with China- THE biggest polluter in the world- helps with less pollution.  I also think getting manufacturing jobs back from overseas alleviates pollution too. 

2.  Fighting slavery/trafficking.  With the staggering numbers of people in the world and our country being trafficking, this is something we need to fight so hard.  We’ve got 800,000 kids going missing in the United States a year.  Over 40 million people are trafficked worldwide right now.  The Trump Administration just slated 100 million dollars to different programs to combat this problem.  A task force and offices have been set up to solve cold cases of missing and murdered indigenous woman.  Ivanka Trump, Senior White House advisor has been instrumental in fighting trafficking.  If you want to go further into theories that can’t yet be proven about President Trump and his fight against trafficking/slavery, I suggest getting into Q theories and videos. 

1. Saying a hard no to communism.  As long as Trump is president we will not have a socialist country.  He has promised that.  With the Marxist insurrection already overtaking our big cities, government, schools, environmentalism, riots, and masquerading as racial justice, I think saying no to communism is the most important issue facing our country.  It encompasses so many topics and is causing so many problems.  This also ties into the Chinese Communist Party who murders it’s own people, harvests their organs, puts them in concentration camps, and suppresses freedom of speech.  I put this as number one because I believe that without our freedom, we have nothing.  As the country goes further and further left in state and local governments, we’ve got to at least fight against that at the federal level or none of the other stuff on this list will matter.  The communist infiltration has been long planned as it already happening.  Someone has to fight against it.

It’s so surprising how people will get mad about whatever the media tells them to get mad about for however long they should get mad about it.  It makes me wonder if events are staged.  This latest issue is going even longer than usual.  It’s so strange how getting facts, evidence, and context before hitting the streets or going wild on the keyboard doesn’t seem to cross people’s minds.  I used to be like that so really, I should be gentle with people and let them take their “journey”.  It’s so hard though. Especially with friends.  It’s like people don’t realize they have been cast in a play.  They have their lines and they are acting it out.  They got the part and don’t even know it.  I heard and see them saying and typing exactly the things they have been programmed to say.  And it makes me sad.  And it makes me mad.  So mad.  I guess that’s what it is supposed to do to me.  It’s supposed to upset and comsume me and make me feel defeated.  Well, it’s been working.  I’ve been ruminated on one conversation for 4 days now.  I’m even thinking about taking a little anti-anxiety pill to help me quit worrying about it.  I don’t feel in control.  Don’t think about it, I tell myself.  See if I’m still upset in a week.  Then maybe unfriend them?  Is that inmatture? Yes.  Do I want my feed to be a happy place with people who think like me?  Yes.  Has it been a week yet?  No. I’ll wait.  More self reflection.  Am I saying the lines from a script and I don’t even know it?  Can’t be, can it?  I know I used to.  I think that I’ve changed.  If I can change, others can change.  So… I wait.

Your health is your fault is something I heard on a podcast and it has changed the way I think about my health and healing.  I have heard similar saying like “it’s all in your head” which I took as good news and bad news. But this one made a bigger impact.  My health is my fault.  I’ve recently started reading a book called Solving the Auto-Immune Puzzle (I have Leaky Gut).  There is a part in there about learning to listen to your body.  This is something I have not done enough of over the course of my life.  I allowed myself to continue doing things that were bad for me and ignored the consequences.  One of the big ones was staying in jobs that were harmful to my body.  I could go on and on sobbing about how bad they were.  In one case I did inform the job that I was dealing with excruciating pain and that I needed ergonomic changes.  Those needs were not meet.  Did I protest?  Not much.  Did I continue to work there for many months?  Yes.  Did I go home and lay on the ground and cry because I was hungry and in too much pain to make food for myself?  Yes.  Did I tie towels around my elbows so they wouldn’t bend while I was sleeping?  Yes.  Did I wait 9 months for a new chair that didn’t hurt my back? Yes.  Am I bitter?  Hmmm you tell me. Oh jeez.  See what I mean about my sob stories?  I can acknowledge all I want the faults of others for the pain I have experienced.  That is not empowering.  It sends me into a blaming cycle where the only good outcome would be a lawsuit.  Mmmm lawsuit.  I could buy so much therapy. But…  That blaming doesn’t make me feel any better.  You know what makes me feel better?  Blaming myself.  Because ultimately, it’s my fault.  I didn’t listen to my body and I didn’t stand up for myself.  But I can now. 

*the actual quote is by Gina Florio and is "your life is your fault" I just remembered it a little differently