Your health is your fault is something I heard on a podcast and it has changed the way I think about my health and healing. I have heard similar saying like “it’s all in your head” which I took as good news and bad news. But this one made a bigger impact. My health is my fault. I’ve recently started reading a book called Solving the Auto-Immune Puzzle (I have Leaky Gut). There is a part in there about learning to listen to your body. This is something I have not done enough of over the course of my life. I allowed myself to continue doing things that were bad for me and ignored the consequences. One of the big ones was staying in jobs that were harmful to my body. I could go on and on sobbing about how bad they were. In one case I did inform the job that I was dealing with excruciating pain and that I needed ergonomic changes. Those needs were not meet. Did I protest? Not much. Did I continue to work there for many months? Yes. Did I go home and lay on the ground and cry because I was hungry and in too much pain to make food for myself? Yes. Did I tie towels around my elbows so they wouldn’t bend while I was sleeping? Yes. Did I wait 9 months for a new chair that didn’t hurt my back? Yes. Am I bitter? Hmmm you tell me. Oh jeez. See what I mean about my sob stories? I can acknowledge all I want the faults of others for the pain I have experienced. That is not empowering. It sends me into a blaming cycle where the only good outcome would be a lawsuit. Mmmm lawsuit. I could buy so much therapy. But… That blaming doesn’t make me feel any better. You know what makes me feel better? Blaming myself. Because ultimately, it’s my fault. I didn’t listen to my body and I didn’t stand up for myself. But I can now.
*the actual quote is by Gina Florio and is "your life is your fault" I just remembered it a little differently